Anger and an Ugly Past

9/24/07

I was unaware that life came with a “cower in the parking lot” option. I was under the impression that when bad shit happens, you put on your big girl underpants and got down to it.  When life fell to shit, I wore a suit of wool and needles daily and I questioned everything I knew, someone had to make breakfast. It never occurred to me to cower. It never occurred to me that I could retreat and re-create a world that fell in line with my reality. I had to grow up and deal with it and that’s what makes me so angry right now. 

When is the existential safe going to fall on a head? When is karma going to catch up and kick ass? 

I’ve argued with myself that it already has. Isn’t being deserted and alone punishment enough? Isn’t knowing you’ve lost almost all of your friends enough, even if you pretend you haven’t? Well, not today it’s not. And that’s why I’m not a nice person today. Today I am God and I want to mete out the suffering until I see that a lesson has been learned. Retreat and cowering into a cloak of righteousness aren’t going to cut it for me today.  

If I only had a lightening bolt

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